True but thats because hes a fetus.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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