Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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