Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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