I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
