Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
