This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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