and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
