Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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