Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
