my mouth tastes like poor choices
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Randomize
