Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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