I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
