i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
