your parents love me but you hate me
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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