I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
