I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
