3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Randomize
