pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Green mimosas i think yes
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
