he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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