I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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