just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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