he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
