woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
