I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
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