Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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