I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
