I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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