i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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