The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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