Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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