So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
