We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
