Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
