Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
