Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
