listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
