You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Randomize
