My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
