Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
