I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
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