someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
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