I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
