STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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