Little spoons don't ask big questions
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
