I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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