She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
