her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
