We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
