When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
