I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
