11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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