So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
